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Adham Sharara announces yet another planned rule change for table tennis.
ITTF President Adham Sharara has announced that the ITTF will ban all rackets containing wood on July 1 2015.
“The lead-up to the transition to seamless plastic balls in 2014 has been so successful, we’ve decided to begin the transition to an all-plastic sport as soon as possible,” he said.
“We’re transitioning from celluloid balls because celluloid is a hazardous material to manufacture, and I realised that wood rackets are hazardous to the health of trees. The ITTF can’t be seen to supporting something like that either. Also, plastic is much more environmentally friendly. It takes thousands of years to break down, so it can be reused for generations.”
“Of course, because I’m a strong leader, I sought the opinion of an environmental expert before making this decision. She said ‘Are you insane?’, to which I replied: ‘No, I am not. You’re right; an insane person could never have had such a great idea. Thank you for your input, madam’. Then I hung up, because I’m also a very busy leader and only have time to answer one question at a time.”
Sharara continued: “With plastic balls AND rackets, every rally will be a long one. People will forget the word ‘boredom’ and remember only ‘table tennis’ instead.”
When asked about the connection between ITTF board member Joachim Kuhn and the patent for the new plastic ball, which is apparently owned by Kuhn’s wife, and the conflict of interest that creates, Sharara said, “I’m sorry, I can’t answer difficult questions and count at the same time. Please call back later.”
For those that haven’t figured it out, this article is a satire (except for the conflict of interest part), but in the ITTF really is planning to change the laws of table tennis to introduce a seamless plastic ball. You can read summaries of the recent events regarding the patent issues here and here.
(P.S. by 阿舜, 假新聞來既, 最後果段佢話this article is a satire, 只不過係諷刺ITTF某個重要人物既老婆幾年前組公司申請左新波既專利, 再硬銷通過全世界要轉用新波, 有可能由此謀取暴利, 大家唔駛咁緊張)
